Dog Park: The Anatomy

While most of my posts and interests lie in things buried by time, the characters that inhabit the world today prove just as fascinating to me as those belonging to a lost civilization.  Often archeologists and historians like to speculate on the social dynamics of our ancestors.  It is my opinion that while the human species has advanced by leaps and bounds in the technological realm, when it come to the social realm we have yet to travel very far. And I have a feeling that I am not alone in this thinking.

As such, I've decided to study the anatomy of the dog park microcosm.

Rule #1 of the Dog Park: Henceforth you shall no longer be known by your given name.  Within the chain link fence barrier you shall be solely addressed as "[Insert Dog Name]'s mom/dad".

The Characters

The Talker
Usually played by a middle aged, mother of two who alone possess more life experience that you will ever have the opportunity to obtain.  Her pride comes from knowing the names of every dog that enters said park. Providing anyone within hearing distance the full rundown history on the dog and how she has helped.  If by chance a canine, with which she is not familiar with, enters her layer it is like watching a vulture circle it's next meal.  The simple thought of not knowing the canine or it's unsuspecting owner, burns her very core. For her it is a sub-conscience quest to impart her infallible training knowledge to one and all.  If you have ever been sucked in by one, you understand the excruciating irritation of being told how you should have trained your dog and where you should now stand on the upcoming city council elections.

The Lesbian
This character stands in complete contrast to her loquacious counter-part.  She arrives to the dog park in knee length shorts, a well worn hoody and hair in complete disarray.  Her pup of choice is either a German Shepard or a scraggly black mut.  The dog is by default a male and possess a name like Beecher or Flynn. A honorarium to the great feminists of old.  Before entering the park, you know is there. Her car, a unidentifiable blue vehicle is decked out in hiking and feminist rights bumper stickers.  She is a great resource for learning the best places to take your dog.

The Macho Man
His presence is usually immediately felt by sudden depart of sunlight that is blocked by his enormous frame.  He and his equally muscular dog, make a quiet entrance, you know the type that says, "I'm here, end of story."  While the normal reaction of any dog entering the dog park is either one of excitement or hesitation, his canine enters seeming unaware of the furry shuffle that is now ensuing around him.  Instead he proceeds to embark on his one and only mission: mark everything.  Interaction for these two is not why they come, for them this is an escape.  Both master and canine relish this silent weekly outing, for waiting at home is the woman and her teacup barking nightmare ready to shatter their newly found quite with the latest mind-numbing celebrity gossip.

The Average Joe
This character is quite a conundrum. While his presence is essential to the balance of the park, he is one that no one remembers.  As the name implies, he is rather nondescript, in fact you will more than likely forget him the moment you have left his side. His dog is equally forgettable, a rescue mixed breed who's interests lie only in bouncing around the dog park and getting into wrestling matches with other dogs.  The Average Joe has one tale-tale sign, in his possession is always the faithful, but unused, "Chuck It!"

Me
The token young female, who despite being in her late 20s, is often mistake for a college student thanks to the staple Saturday morning attire: yoga pants with writing down one leg and well worn zip-up sweater.  Usually spotted with a particularly faithful breed of dog, here in the security of the chain link fence, it wants nothing more than to run.  This particular trait tends to perk the Average Joe's attention as he believes he has finally found a dog who might actually find enjoyment out of the Nickelodeon-esk plastic sling he bears.